Are You Ready For A Letdown?

The title to this column is not a reference directly to the New York Jets and their inevitable letdown after all the talk and hype, and their “how you like me now!” performance against the Patriots in the Divisional round. Even as Gang Green manufactures some trash talk, as if it were a plastic cog desperately needed to make sure their machine runs correctly. However, I do see a massive letdown in their immediate future. But, to the disdain of Rex Ryan and his team, this is about much more than just the Jets.

Nope. The title is in reference to the Conference Championship week as a whole.

The hype machine, better known as ESPN (along with the other NFL backers, Showtime, CBS and Fox), will tell you that this coming weekend is going to be ripe with nail-biting games and exhilarating playoff action. They are telling you that this is must-watch television; that if you step out for a beer, you’ll probably miss something legendary, something your friends will be talking about for years to come. You’ll be an outcast in the circles of NFL fandom. So, don’t you dare miss a moment of the action. And, that’s not even taking into consideration the NFL Network, which has been selling the excitement twenty-four hours a day, literally.

Keep in mind, this is their job. They have to sell you on these games. They’ve got Zuckerberg money riding on it. Between the coverage on the networks, their pre-game shows, ESPN’s pre-game show, their post-game show, hundreds of hours of Sports Center, NFL Live, and Showtime’s Inside the NFL, the networks covering these games and asking for millions from their advertisers to do so, and they need you to watch these games.

I’ll be the first to tell you; you’re in for another Capone’s vault opening.

Let’s start with the Green Bay Packers / Chicago Bears game.

The Bears defense is impressive. In week 17, they held the Packers offense to one, late touchdown, a game vitally important to the Packers. They have three Pro-Bowl players and a defensive guru for a head coach. Even, the offense is greatly approved. The line, that at one point, allowed their QB, Jay Cutler, to get sacked nine times in one half, has stabilized. Cutler has been more consistent, making less mistakes. And, Matt Forte has become adept at running the football. They have one of the best kickers in the NFL and a little-known guy named Devin Hester returning kicks.

The Packers have Aaron Rodgers. They have as deep and talented a receiving corps as there is, and an equally deep and talented backfield. Oh, and Aaron Rodgers. Everyone likes to talk about their devastating offense, particularly after they dismantled a very good Falcons defense only last week. But, they also have one of the two best defensive players, a bullying defensive line, and a smothering defensive backfield, and Dom Capers as defensive coordinator, perhaps the most creative defensive mind in the NFL.

So, on paper, this should be even. But, as I’ve said in the past, football isn’t played on paper, except rotisserie football, and even that hasn’t been played on paper in over a decade.

Julius Peppers? Ha! Rodgers can
stop bullets.

In real life, the Packers are on fire. Rodgers has entered that next level, like when Neo becomes ‘The One’. He is seeing plays develop before the snap, can sense threats and stop bullets in mid-air. If Julius Peppers is bearing down on him today and Rodgers leaps forty feet in the air, then, with a blank expression on his face, swiftly glides into the end zone, forcing away defenders with a flick of his wrist, and emerges wearing a black, leather trench coat and shades, don’t be surprised.

But, it will be the Green Bay defense that will make this game. And, this won’t even take much explaination. Simply put, they’ll put more pressure on Cutler than Lt. Kaffee put on Col. Jessup, and Cutler will break like Jessup did, only instead of incriminating himself, he’ll shit himself and once that happens, the whole Chicago offense will stink. That’s what Clay Matthews and a Dom Capers defense will do to you. They’ll make you soil yourself and smell up the stadium.

Final Score: Green Bay 31 Chicago 10

The next question is: Who will join the Packers in the Super Bowl? The Jets or the Steelers?

No linebacker (or sexual assault charge) can bring down Big Ben

The Jets are trying to complete the Super Bowl QB trifecta. They eliminated Manning and Brady already. Now, they set their crosshairs on Ben Roethlisberger. If they pull of the feat, they will have eliminated quarterbacks who have represented the AFC in eight of the past ten Super Bowls. (winning six) With Rex Ryan game-planning among the all-time best this postseason, it’s reasonable to think he’ll have an idea on how to attack Big Ben and the speedster receivers.

However, the difference between Manning/Brady and Roethlisberger is that, while the first two have cement feet in the pocket, Ben can move around and make you miss. And, he doesn’t do it with elusiveness. Nope, he’ll stand there and let you come, then throw you off him like he’s brushing lint off his shoulder. The Jets will bring pressure, no doubt, but it will be ineffective. Roethlisberger will make more time, and if you give him more time, his lightning fast receivers will get open, and when they get a step, it’s over. (For the record, I am NOT stating Big Ben is better than Peyton or Tom, just better at evading sacks.)

If that isn’t enough convincing, The Popsicle Mark Sanchez will also contribute to the Steelers win. Or, rather, the 17 degree temps and the equally icy Steeler fans will contribute. It’s no secret that Sanchez shrinks in the cold like, well, a certain male body part that retracts in the cold. And, with a little wind, those passes that Holmes and Edwards would normally leap for and catch, will sail away and most likely find the arms of a certain Head-and-Shoulders spokesman. The Steelers led the league in points against this year. The Jets failed to score an offensive touchdown in 25% of their games. It doesn’t take Stephen Hawking to do the math here.

Antonio Cromartie can't wait to get
to Dallas.

Still not convinced? Well, here’s the ace up my sleeve. It’s the momentum factor. Rex Ryan, himself, called the Patriots game “the most important game since Super Bowl III”. The Jets voices rang with fury and vengeance the entire week, and carried the emotional advantage into the game. The game after this one is the Super Bowl, the biggest game in the NFL, and the biggest event in sports as a whole. I’m sure Antonio Cromartie is already looking forward to the Dallas honeys and Shawn Ellis to Texas BBQ. This game, sits directly between those two, the typical “overlook” game. The players don’t seem as fired up, with Santonio Holmes raining praise onto Troy Polomalu and others grasping at trash talking straws by calling out Hines Ward as dirty, a fact everyone who watches the NFL has known for years. OOOH, you’re gonna “teach him a lesson, are you?” That’s probably the first he’s ever heard that….or at least the first since seven days ago when the Ravens were thinking the exact same thing. Bottom line, is the lack of emotion is palpable, you can feel it, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t make yourself feel any more emotional than you do. And, that’s why, as much as Roethlisberger and The Popsicle, this game won’t be close.

Final Score: Pittsburgh 27 New York 13

There you have it. Two big games, two big yawners. The NFL and their network affiliates won’t be thrilled about it, but I’m sure they already have a gameplan in place for this scenario. Regardless, after the inevitable 2011 lock-out, no one’s going to remember these games anyway. Better off that they’re lackluster.

Wake me for the Super Bowl.